Two penguins are standing on an iceberg. The one penguin doesn’t say anything to the other, because penguins can’t talk.
A baby seal walks into a club. It dies of heat exhaustion.
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She sets the poodle and the salami on the bar and the bartender says, “I don’t suppose you’ll be needing a drink tonight?” The naked lady screams something unintelligible because she is insane.
So a black man, a rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
What a wonderful example of a diverse community!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It’s hard to say, chickens don’t exactly have complex thought processes. It was probably just looking for food.
There’s this guy Mitch who killed his wife’s lover. He was always a law-abiding citizen, but he caught them one night and a crime of passion was born. Anyway, he of course went to jail.
On his first night in jail he’s laying in his cell contemplating how he had got here, full of fear about how he was going to make it through his sentence in one piece. Right when he was just about to cry he hears someone on the other side of the cell-block yell “FOUR EIGHTY SIX!” and the whole block erupts in laughter. Then some burly skinhead a few cells over yells “ONE THIRTY FIVE!” and again everyone erupts in laughter. Mitch was very confused by this, but forced himself to get some rest.
When he woke up the next day he asked his cellmate “Hey, what was with that last night? The numbers and the laughing?”
His cellmate replied “Well, when you’re here this long, you’ve heard all the jokes. So we just assigned them numbers and call them out at night to give us all a good chuckle.”
Well that night Mitch decided he was going to try and fit in with his prisonmates. Maybe joining them in their numberjoke ritual would put him in their good graces. So right after the Nation of Islam guy eight cells over got some sincere bellylaughs out of “THREE FORTY NINE”, Mitch exclaimed “TWO SEVENTY ONE!!!”
The cell was completely silent.
The next morning Mitch asked his cellmate “Hey man, what was with that? I told a joke just like the rest of you.”
His cellmate had a pitying expression and said, “Look kid, many of us are spending the prime of our lives with our basic freedoms stripped from us. Many on trumped up drug charges. Our recidivism rates are very high, our employment opportunities after our sentences is nearly nil, and most of us are ethnic minorities.”
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