mind of meswarb

malty:

You’re at work and you need to go to the bathroom. Not a rush, not a big deal. You go into the third stall because someone is in the first one.  You don’t know who they are but you finish up your business when you notice the bathroom silence. Person in stall one is waiting for you to leave so they can poop. Instead of washing your hands in a timely fashion, you decide to take your sweet time. Examining your face, looking for an out of place hair or an eye booger. Wash your hands like you are about to give open heart surgery all the while stall one has to wait. Probably cursing you in their head with every cramp in their body. Waste a couple more seconds fiddling with your clothes and then you leave.

The bathroom stand off.

My coworkers hate me.

I never understood this mentality. Sometimes when I enter a public bathroom and I notice that someone in a stall has gone completely silent, I use it as an opportunity for “bathroom camping”.

“Bathroom camping” is accomplished by finishing up your business, making a little more noise than required while washing your hands, pulling out the paper towels, drying your hands, etc. Step heavier than usual while walking to the door, open the door, take a few steps in place and close the door, remaining inside the bathroom.

When the noises erupt from within the stall, shout “HA!” and then actually leave.